Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
