in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
