real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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