dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
