Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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