Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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