he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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