can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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