How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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