I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
