There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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