update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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