Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
