no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
