jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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