he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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