if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
