You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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