he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
