Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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