We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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