This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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