I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
