Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think people are normalizing furries
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
