Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
