I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
