I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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