k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
do nipples grow back?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
