He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
