I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
