I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
