chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
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