At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
