yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
