We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
