Don't make out with my wife yet
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
