it's like iHOP with fire
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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