While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
