You smell like stripper and shame
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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