It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
