ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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