I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
