At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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