well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
