You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
