Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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