I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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