i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
