Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
