3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
